Drawing Out My Failures

After a previous attempt, which I discovered I failed at failing, I've recently tried to confront everything I've ever failed at in my life. To my surprise I've had an overflow of success. Not in my present state, but during my earlier years. Growing up I was a messy painting of a child.

As I've said before, mistakes are important because you can always use your failed situation as an outline of a successful situation. With this in mind, a true failure can only be something you're null to grasping. When my list narrowed down, I discovered that I sucked the miserable heart out of art. The art of creative drawing, to be exact.

There are pre-1990's Disney cartoons with exquisitely detailed and lovable characters redrawn in hundreds of thousands of frames to create a beautiful hour and a half-story. While I grew up watching these wonderful movies, I could not draw a perfect circle. My rendition of Simba from The Lion King looked like an angry, tumorous cloud with chicken legs.

I didn't give up easily. I could master coloring in the lines with crayon, so surely I could master a damned lion drawing, or at least the soul of a drawing. My hands were talented in other areas. I learned how to give massages, to drive a 3000+ pound vehicle, and even to type at 250 words per minute; they had the dexterity to lift weights and pull my body up a rock wall. But, when a pencil is gripped between my fingers and it touches the paper my hands refuse to share their skill with the lead.

During junior year of college I bought myself a dry-erase board. My roommate and I would share it for grocery lists and silly drawings. "This is it," I thought with courage. Little did I know that my cursed hands were still art-retarded from wrist to fingertip. When I went to draw hilarious pictures of genitals to surprise and potentially embarrass my roommate I was left with a worthless and unfunny picture and a wounded pride.

Being an English major I'll hopefully never have to worry about my failure. I'll keep it a secret like an artist's bad drawing. Besides, bad drawings can be just as unintentionally funny as ones with artistic souls.